The Wizard of LGM
by GirlX2
Summary: The Lone Gunmen's adventures in the Land of...LGM. Now updated with better grammer! But I lost all my reviews. : Oh well.
1. Chapter 1

The Wizard of LGM

By GirlX

Disclaimer: The LGM aren't mine. They belong to Chris Charter, 1013 and Fox.

There is no season nine, there is no season nine, there is no season nine...

-

Lone Gunmen Lair

10:45 PM

"Jimmy, what the hell are you doing?" Langly inquired, after the Lone Gunmen's youngest companion had hid his face behind a sofa cushion.

"Just watching a movie." Jimmy muttered.

"What movie?" Frohike asked.

Jimmy mumbled under his breath.

"Huh?" Byers's forehead wrinkled.

"The Wizard of Oz, okay?" Jimmy smoothed his hair back. "It was on TV and..."

"So why the hell are you scared?" Frohike asked.

"Tellitubbies are scarier than that movie." Langly added, thinking of their recent headline.

"The witch was on screen and-"

"Awww, Jimmy's scared of the witch!" Langly teased. Jimmy frowned.

"LOT'S of people find her frightening."

"Like who?" Frohike snorted.

"Seventy-eight percent of Americans, that's who." Jimmy said smugly. "I read it in a magazine."

"Whatever." Byers sighed. "We're going to bed."

"Yeah. G'night Jimmy." Frohike yawned.

"Don't let the witches bite!" Langly smirked.

"In the words of Frohike: Shut up, punk!" Jimmy growled. Langly went to his room muttering.

"...Call me a punk...I'm older than HE is...Scared of a witch...to easy NOT to make fun of..."

Jimmy just smirked and went back to his movie.

-

Byers lay awake for an hour. He just couldn't get what Jimmy said out of his mind.

"Get a hold of yourself. There's no such thing as witches. Their just modern societies symbol of the terrors of the unknown." He stated firmly. Suddenly a loud cackle emanated from the TV in the living room. Byers sighed.

-

"Damnit Jimmy, turn that mess down!" Frohike yelled. A cackle could be heard from the living room.

"Sorry." Jimmy called back.

'Now I'll never get to sleep.' Frohike thought irritably.

-

"Seventy-eight percent of Americans my ass." Langly muttered and fell asleep.

-

"Oh man..." Jimmy moaned, out of his usually happy-go-lucky demeanor.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The witch screamed with evil glee.

"I'm going to bed." Jimmy scrambled up, and switched the TV off. First though, he checked and made sure the doors were locked.

"I really shouldn't watch that movie unless the guys are up." He burrowed under the covers, trying to ignore the howling wind in the distance.

-

8:27 am

WHAM!

"Huh?" Jimmy scrambled up. "What the?"

A huge tremor went through the Lone Gunmen lair.

"What the heck was that?" Jimmy looked around, very confused. Something was either wrong with his vision...Or everything had lost its color. The room seemed to be all in shades of gray and brown. Very cautiously, he got up and made his way down the hall.

"Byers, do you know what...Byers?" Jimmy stopped and stared at the empty room

"I didn't hear him leave..." Jimmy trekked to Frohike's room. "Hey Frohike..." He wasn't there either.

"What's going on?" Jimmy wondered aloud. The lack of Gunman was making him nervous.

"Langly?" He tried the Blonde's room, but he was gone too.

"What happened in here?" Jimmy said loudly. The living room was trashed.

"It looks like a tornado hit!" Jimmy marveled. Suddenly something moved behind a pile of papers.

"Huh?" He leaned down to investigate. A small black cat jumped from the papers, onto the couch. "Where did you come from?" He murmured. He saw a small collar, with a tag around the cat's neck. The collar was black too, so He hadn't seen it right away.

"Yves." Jimmy read. There was an address too, but it was smudged out. "NO WAY. Yves? Is that you?"

'In the Flesh. Well, the fur.' Yves voice said in his mind.

"How are you talking to me?" Jimmy's brow furrowed. The cat shrugged.

'Telepathically, I guess.'

"Oh. And, why are you a cat!" Jimmy asked.

'No idea. I just woke up like this. And I woke up in here!' Yves voice rose. 'Where are the Three Stooges?'

"Um, I dunno. They were gone when I woke up."

'You went to sleep in that?' Yves marveled. Jimmy then realized he was wearing VERY strange clothes.

"Overalls?" Jimmy thought aloud. "I look like a farmhand!" Brown scuffed shoes, and white cotton shirt completed the ensemble.

'Well, let's go outside, and see if we can find them.'

"Man, I hope they're okay." Jimmy moaned. The conspicuous pair carefully neared the door.

'Is it just me, or are things less colorful around here than usual?'

"It's not just you. Ya know, this reminds me of something..." Jimmy trailed off when he opened the door. Blazing light filled with color momentarily blinded him.

"What the heck?" He murmured. Then everything cleared. Even Jimmy couldn't miss the identicallity. It was Munchkin land from the Wizard of Oz. Gingerbread-style houses filled the small village square, surrounded by exotic flowers. Jimmy wandered outside, dazzled.

"Yves, I don't think we're in Washington DC anymore." He mumbled.

'What was your first clue?' Yves rolled her eyes.

"Whoa..."

'What?'

"The good Witch." Jimmy whispered. A large pink bubble was floating towards them. Suddenly, it dissolved into...

"Agent Scully!" Jimmy yelped. The lovely agent looked taken aback.

"Jimmy?" Her forehead wrinkled. The two had met at the Gunmen's new year eve party. Only, then she'd been wearing a tee-shirt and jeans, not a fairy-princess pink dress with a matching crown.

"Uhh, yeah it's me. But are you...I mean..."

'A witch?' Yves finished. 'Honestly, I didn't see that one coming-'

"Oh stuff it Yves." Scully said bitterly. "You have it worse than I do. I'M still human."

'That's debatable.' Yves commented dryly.

"How come you're here? And, are we where I think we are?" Jimmy inquired.

"I guess someone had to fill in for Glinda. And yes, we are in the land of LGM."

"Isn't that supposed to be Oz?" Jimmy was getting more confused by the second.

Scully shrugged. "Hey, it's your subconscious."

"Subconscious?"

'Isn't someone supposed to be dead?' Yves interrupted.

"Someone is." Scully motioned to the Lone Gunmen Lair. A pair of legs, ending in Red sneakers, was protruding from beneath it.

"Jimmy, you really did a number on him." Scully marveled.

"I-I killed someone!" Jimmy gasped.

"Don't worry, he was really evil." Scully reassured him.

"He? Who-Oh no, you don't mean Frohike do you? I mean he hit on you and all but he was a little punch drunk-"

"No Jimmy. I have an idea here Frohike is." Scully smiled a little. "Those legs belong to Maniac Marvin."

"That guy we reported on? Oh man!" Jimmy moaned.

'The one who prosecuted Charlie Muckel.' Yves remembered.

"Yes. Now if we can skip the singing-"

'Please.' Yves said.

"-And go strait to the-"

"Villain?" A voice cackled. Out of nowhere, Morris Fletcher appeared in a cloud of red smoke, swirling a martini in his hand.

"The Wicked witch of the west?" Jimmy asked in a timid voice.

"Well, YOU aren't the one looking for a brain!" Fletcher cackled. Jimmy cringed.

"I thought the MIB's killed you." Jimmy said, slightly frightened. Fletched suddenly seemed a lot more menacing.

Fletcher cackled. "In this universe, I can NEVER die. You might though-"

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Scully reminded him.

"Ahh, yes, the ruby-red sneakers!" Fletcher screeched. He walked over to the LGM Lair, but just as he got there, the shoes faded away, leaving a shriveling pair of legs.

"They're gone! What did you do with them?" Fletcher spun around, accusing Scully.

"It's to late, Mister MIB. There they are, and there they'll stay." Scully smiled knowingly, and pointed to Jimmy's feet.

"Oh man, cool!" Jimmy eyes widened. His brown shoes had vanished, and in their place were the ruby-red sneakers. Fletcher eyes narrowed.

"Give them back to me." He hissed. "Their no use to you. Your to dumb to use them."

"Don't do it." Scully advised. "They must be very important if he wants them so badly."

"Hey! No fair giving him advice!" Fletcher whined. "You give them back to me, or I'll-"

"You'll what?" Scully said, raising her eyebrow. "Everyone knows you have no power here. Now leave, before someone drops a top-secret facility on you!" On cue, Fletcher looked into the sky. Sighing disgustedly, he turned to Jimmy.

"Fine. But you just TRY and get away from me. Just try. I'll get you, my...Hmm, I can't really call him pretty can I?" He mused. "Ah well, I'll get you, my brainless one, and your little cat too! AHAHA-" In mid-cackle Fletcher began to choke. Finally clearing his throat he managed: "How did that old broad DO this?" And vanished in a cloud of red fire.

'That went well.' Yves said dryly.

"Man, I've only been here five minutes, and I have a witch after me!" Jimmy moaned.

"Well, that's how the story goes." Scully reminded him. "Now, if you'll start on your merry journey down the yellow brick road, I can get back to my apartment." She sighed, turned back into a pink bubble, and floated off.

"Uh sure. C'mon Yves." Jimmy bent down to pick her up.

'You touch me, and I'll kill you.' She hissed and arched her back.

"Point taken." Jimmy backed up.

-

End of Part one.


	2. Chapter 2

The Wizard of LGM

By GirlX

Chapter 2

-

"Aren't we supposed to run into the scarecrow by now?" Jimmy groaned. He was begining to tire out.

'Hmm, yes, at the fork in the road.' Yves sighed.

"Who do you think it'll be?" Jimmy asked.

'Who already looked like a scarecrow?'

"Uhh...Mulder?"

"Try again." A nasal voice called from above their heads.

"Langly!" Jimmy looked up, and saw Langly sitting on a wooden pole, dressed in his favorite Ramones tee-shirt, jeans, and looking rather nervous. "How did you get up there?"

"I have NO idea. I was at home in bed, when there was this really loud noise outside, and the next thing I know I'm stuck on this pole and I'm a freakin' scarecrow." Langly groaned.

"I'll get you down." Jimmy simply reached up and plucked the much-lighter Langly from his post.

"Thanks. I think." Langly said as Jimmy set him down.

'Langly, your even scrawnier than usual.' Yves would have smirked if she could.

"Yves? That's you?" Langly gaped at the black cat.

"Yeah, and agent Scully is 'Glinda'." Jimmy said.

"Oh boy, Doo-hike would die to see her in a fairy princess dress." Langly snickered.

'You've seen Frohike?' Yves would have arched her eyebrows, if she'd had any.

"Nah, but the little troll's gotta be around her somewhere." Langly said. "Did you see anyone else here I should know about?"

"Yeah, um, Fletcher."

"Oh man, he's the wicked witch of the west isn't he?" Langly asked.

'I'm afraid so. And he wants-'

"Those red sneakers, I know, I know." Langly cut her off.

"How do you know so much?" Jimmy was curious.

"Well, it isn't that hard to figure out. You're wearing those." He pointed to the red sneakers, "And there's only so many choices you have in these predictable fanfics-OW OW OW OW!" Langly began to shriek as several crows attacked him. "What the hell is this, the birds?"

(GirlX: Really Langly, you should have expected that)

"Hey leave him alone!" Jimmy yelled at the birds and the author.

(GirlX: Make me.)

"Leave him alone or I'll...spoil the plot!"

(GirlX: Okay, don't get PMS-y on me.)

The birds flew away.

"Thanks." Langly gasped and pulled out his inhaler.

'Aren't you supposed to sing a song about your lack of brains?' Yves inquired as he triggered the device.

"I'm not singing." Langly crossed his arms. "There is no way in hell. And I have plenty of brains."

"So what do you need?" Jimmy asked.

"What I need is the newest version of Dungeons and Dragons." Langly's eyes sparkled. "I've heard it's the best ever."

'I'd think you'd want some flame retardant, considering your new form.'

"Why don't you find a litter box." Langly shot back.

"Both of you quit." Jimmy said. "We need to work together to get out of this."

'He's right.' Yves sighed.

"Fine. But I'm still not singing." Langly said.

"Fair enough. The writer is cutting the songs." Jimmy added.

"Thank God. Frohike sounds like a run-down elk when he sings." Langly snickered.

"So, where do we go from here?" Jimmy asked.

"Down the center path, as far as I can remember." Langly shrugged.

'On to the forest.'

"F-forest?" Jimmy said.

"Yeah man, don't you remember?" Langly asked.

"Yeah. I was just hoping..." Jimmy trailed off and looked at them fearfully.

"That it would be different for us." Langly finished flatly.

'Only one way to find out.' Yves reminded them.

"Oh alright." Jimmy said. "Maybe we'll run into the rest of the guys."

"OW! Watch it!" Langly yelled, as Jimmy tried to link arms. "Straw isn't very sturdy you know!"

-

Forrest

"Umm, shouldn't we have run into some killer trees or something?" Langly gulped. The lack of evil foliage was actually unnerving him.

"Yeah I think-OW!" Jimmy yelped as apples began to pelt them. Thinking fast, he pulled Langly behind some normal trees. Yves had already hidden herself.

"What the hell-OW-do we do now!" Langly tried to duck the barrage.

'Just stay behind here. They'll quit in a minute.' Yves said.

"Great." Langly muttered.

"I think that-OW! We should retreat." Jimmy stumbled backwards and knocked into something solid.

Jimmy slowly revolved on the spot and found himself face to face with a silver colored Byers.

"Byers!" Jimmy exclaime, and noticed an oil can nearby. "Hold on a second." He quickly lubricated Byers stiff joints.

"Thanks Jimmy." Byers gasped. "I thought I'd be stuck there forever."

"You're..." Jimmy looked him over. Byers seemed to be in the same three piece suit, only it was silver. In fact, Byers seemed to be completely coated in silver. "The same."

"Except for the fact that I'm now metal." Byers knocked lightly on his chest, and a hollow-sounding bang resounded, "Probably tin."

"You're better off than Langly." Jimmy told him. "He's straw."

"Whose better off than me?" Langly walked up. "Byers!"

Byers took one look at Langly and began to laugh.

"Go ahead tin man, laugh it up." Langly grumbled.

"S-sorry Langly." Byers was laughing so hard that he was crying. "It's just that-" Byers stopped suddenly in mid sentence.

"He rusted up again!" Jimmy cried out, and picked up the oil can.

"Whose laughing now?" Langly eyed him.

"Okay, you made your point." Byers said after Jimmy oiled his mouth.

'Its about time you showed up.'

Byers jumped slightly at the voice in his head. "Yves, where are you?"

'Down here.' Yves placed a paw on his leg.

"Oh." Byers looked at her. "Why are you...Never mind. I don't want to know."

(GirlX: Can you get on with it please?)

"Who was that?" Byers glanced around.

"GirlX." Langly rolled his eyes. "Don't get her mad.

"Okay" Byers said. "Do we have to sing?"

"Not if you tell us what you want from the Wizard."

"Well, since Susan Modeski is out of the questions, I guess I'd like to know where I put all my floppy disks. They have back-issues of the paper on them."

"Your a real wild man Byers." Langly rolled his eyes.

"What are you requesting?" Byers inquired.

"Umm...the new D and D game..." Langly said quietly.

"Very imaginative." Byers held back a snicker.

Suddenly Fletcher appeared in a treetop in a fire-shaded cloud of smoke.

"Helping the moron along are you?" He sneered and sipped a drink out of his martini glass.

"He's not a moron." Byers said defensively.

"Yeah, why don't you go boil some newt eyes!" Langly shot.

"Newt eyes? Ewwww. Just for that..." Fletcher narrowed his eyes and formed a fireball in his hand.

"Oh crap." Langly managed to whimper before Fletcher tossed it. "AHH! I'M ON FIRE!" He shrieked, even thought it had missed him. Barely.

Byers, figuring he was metal and it wouldn't hurt him, quickly stamped out the fire, ala Frodo Baggins in 'Lord of the Rings'. 

"Ohhh." Fletcher groaned in mock disappointment. "I'll just have to flame you later. And don't think you're getting off any better, Tin man. You'll make an excellent cigarette lighter."

"Over my dead body." Jimmy growled, recovering his voice.

"That's the idea." Fletchers eyes gleamed malevolently. He vanished in another cloud of smoke.

"I hope that won't happen again." Langly said.

"Yeah." Jimmy sighed, wishing the story was already over.

"Where's Frohike?" Byers tried to change the subject.

"He's either father down the road, or somewhere else in this (BLEEP)ing place." Langly made a face.

(GirlX: PG-13 Langly.)

-

End of Part Two


	3. Chapter 3

'The Wizard of LGM.'

By GirlX

Chapter Three

-

Forrest (Farther in and darker)

"This is spooky." Jimmy shivered.

"This is beyond spooky." Langly said. "This is in the realm of creepy."

'Calm yourselves, you wusses.' Yves grumbled. 'There isn't a thing out here that can hurt you.'

"That you can see." Byers said.

"If there IS anything out here, it better not eat straw." Langly's voice had a hint of nervousness.

"Like cows..." Byers grinned.

"Shut-up." Langly glared at him. "Mister 'I can't handle one tiny little spider without screaming like a girl'."

Byers squinted dangerously at him. "Watch it, straw boy."

Jimmy giggled in the dark.

"Clowns." Byers and Langly sighed together.

"WHERE!" Jimmy shrieked.

'Cows and Spiders and Clowns, oh my.' Yves mused.

"Don't tell me we have to do THAT hokey bit." Langly groaned.

(GirlX: You'd better, if you know what's good for you.)

"Cows and Spiders and Clowns, oh my." Byers sighed, his eye's rolling.

"Cows and Spiders and Clowns, oh my." Langly repeated flatly.

"Cows and Spiders and Clowns, oh my." Jimmy looked a bit nervous.

They waited for a several seconds.

"Isn't something supposed to jump out at us?" Byers finially asked.

"There's no freakin' way I'm gonna-OW, stoppit! Alright, alright! I'll do it! Just stop pushing me-OW, I'm going!" Frohike suddenly stumbled out of a nearby bush. "Damn pushy writers."

Langly immediately began to howl with laughter. "Y-your-Hahaha!"

"Go ahead, laugh it up straw boy." Frohike growled.

The lion suit really wasn't all that bad. Especially since Frohike was wearing one of his leather jackets and a pair of fingerless gloves over it.

"Hi." Byers tried to muffle his laughter. "You look, uh...Different."

'Mm. I should have suspected as much.' Yves smirked.

"Shut-up." Frohike grumbled. "Let's get this damn thing over with."

"At least we know who's the author's least favorite!" Langly giggled.

"I am not!" Frohike protested.

"Yes you are!" Langly said.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

(GirlX: Langly shut up or I'll do something worse to you.)

"Like what?" Langly demanded.

"Langly, it's not smart to provoke the author." Whispered Byers.

(GirlX: Like this.)

There was a bright flash of lightning that blinded the five for a few seconds. When their vision cleared, Langly was gone.

"What did you do to him!" Jimmy demanded.

(GirlX: He's fine. He's just a little...Well...Incapacitated.)

'This should be amusing.' Yves commented.

Frohike chuckled. "It better be."

Byers heaved a sigh. "Let's see what she's done to him."

"Langly?" Jimmy called.

"Um...Yeah, I'm over here..." A soft British voice called.

'Why does he sound like me?' Yves demanded.

(GirlX: You'll see.)

"I don't like where this is going..." Byers said uneasily.

"Hey punk, why don't you come out?" Frohike called.

"No!" The same voice called back.

(GirlX: GO!)

"Okay okay!" Langly stepped into view. "Writers..."

'HOW COULD YOU!' Yves screamed.

Langly was now an exact double of Yves in her human form.

Byers and Frohike immediately lost it.

"Oh my God!" Frohike was howling with laughter.

'Being me is not a punishment!' Yves shrieked.

"Yes it is!" Langly countered. "I'm a woman!"

"NOW we know who the author's least favorite is!" Byers said.

Yves hissed. 'I swear to God, I'll get her for this!'

"It's okay Yves." Jimmy said sympathetically. "At least she notices you."

"This is awful!" Langly shrieked.

"Aw, it's not that bad." Frohike said slyly. "It'll sure liven things up around the Lair-"

"You keep your mouth shut Doo-Hike!" Langly growled.

(GirlX: Learned your lesson yet?)

"Okay, I'm sorry!" Langly said. "Change me back!"

(GirlX: Fine.)

Another bolt of lightning lit the sky, and the scarecrow-esq Langly was back.

"Thank God!" The hacker breathed. "Another minute in that body and I would have gone nuts!"

'Being me is not a punishment!' Yves tone was now sullen and whiney.

"I think GirlX has a different opinion about that." Byers said.

"Can we get on with this?" Frohike demanded.

"Uh yeah. Frohike, what is it that you want?" Jimmy asked.

"Aside from Scully." Langly added.

"I guess I could use a few ah...additions to my video collection...

(GirlX: PG-13 Frohike.)

"...Like the movie 'Space balls." He finished, somewhat disappointed.

"Hmm." Byers raised an eyebrow at him.

"Shut-up."

'Can we GO now!' Yves demanded.

"We'd better. This forest is getting darker and creeper by the minute." Jimmy glanced around.

"I think the dimwit is right." Langly said uneasily.

(GirlX: Langly do you have a death wish or something?)

Langly sighed, "Fine. I think..._Jimmy_...is right. God, that sounds so weird."

"Let's get outta here before a real wild animal shows up." Frohike said.

'Oh please.' Yves rolled her eyes. 'What could possibly be out here?'

(GirlX: Tigers.)

Suddenly a loud roar resonated in the not-to-far distance.

'Lets go.' Yves said quickly.

-

Unbeknownst to our hero's, Morris Fletcher (AKA The Wicked Witch of the West) was watching them through cameras.

"That's it." He sipped his martini. "Just keep helping the idiot along."

"Sir?" A sniveling voice spoke up from behind him.

"What is it private?" He groaned and turned.

"The poison is in place. Should I implement it?"

"In about an hour. And remember, I want the one in the red shoes and his cat, UNHARMED. Put the other three in my dungeons. I want to get them personally."

(GirlX: Hey, wait a minute! I never said you could kill them!)

"Tough." Fletcher grinned. "That's the way the computer crumbles.

(GirlX: Who do you think you're talking to! I could kill you off right now!)

"Try it." Fletcher took another sip.

GirlX began to type his untimely end, when the keyboard began to melt away under her fingertips.

(GirlX: What the hell is this?)

"This is my story now. Kiss your friends goodbye."

'Oh crap!' GirlX thought. 'I thought this only happened in bad X-Files!'

(GirlX: It doesn't matter Fletcher. All bad witches get their comeuppance in the end!)

"Yeah right. Those three don't stand a chance."

(GirlX: Those three are more resourceful than you think. You'll see.)

"Mm. Well sit back and enjoy 'Your' story." Fletcher cackled. "It'll be _their _last."

With that hackneyed line, the keyboard completely vanished, and GirlX couldn't type a response.

'They better be resourceful.' She thought grimly.

She sat back and watched the words form.

-

End of Part three


	4. Chapter 4

'The Wizard of LGM'

By GirlX

Chapter Four

-

"Jimmy, what are you seeing the wizard for?" Byers asked as the group contunied to walk doen the yellow brick road.

"Huh?" Jimmy said, uncomprehending.

"Well, we all have our reasons. Yves, I assume, is to be turned back to human form."

'Damn right!' Yves spat.

"I guess to get all of us home." Jimmy said.

"Hmm. Do we know anything about this Wizard?" Langly asked. "Intelligence levels, that sort of thing?"

"What Wizard? There's no Wizard." Frohike countered.

"There's no Wizard? Then why are we going on this stupid journey?" Langly demanded.

"Um..." Jimmy said. "I just assumed there was a wizard."

"GirlX really messed up on this." Frohike commented.

"Are you crazy? She'll probably smite you for saying that!" Byers looked horrified. "Although, she did screw up..."

They all waited for a comment (or lightning bolt) from GirlX.

"Weird." Langly commented.

"Something's wrong." Byers said.

'He's right. I have animal instincts right now, and I can feel it.' Yves said.

"Maybe the keyboard froze up." Jimmy suggested.

"Then wouldn't the story pause?" Langly asked.

"Yeah, so what's going on?" Frohike demanded.

"I don't know, but I don't like it." Byers said. "We'd better watch out from now on."

"For what?" Langly demanded. "If there's no wizard, there's no reason to keep going on this path."

"There's no wizard, but there is a good witch." Frohike sighed with exasperation.

"Who, Scully?" Byers asked.

"No, it's Lydia, the good witch of the south." Frohike said. "GirlX told me that before I got onscreen."

"Oh. So, we go to her city?" Byers said.

"Yeah, the Sapphire city."

"The Sapphire city. Real cute." Langly made a face. "We already know we'll have to get something from Fletcher, so why don't we just go strait to his fortress?"

"We don't know what we'll have to take." Byers reminded him. "It could be an ID card, a cigarette lighter, a pendant..."

"We get the idea." Langly rolled his eyes.

Frohike sighed. "So what do we do?"

"If GirlX were speaking to us, she'd probably tell us." Jimmy added helpfully.

'Well she's not.' Yves growled a little bit at the mention of her tormenter.

-

"I would if I could." GirlX growled back.

'How the hell do I get a message to them without typing!' She thought fiercely.

DING

The proverbial light bulb lit above her head.

"That might work." She began to move the mouse.

-

"I hate plot holes." Langly grumbled at the five trudged along.

"Yeah, well, there's nothing we can do about them." Frohike said.

"Hey, wait a sec. Do you guys hear that?" Jimmy stopped.

"Hear what?" Byers asked.

"That music." Jimmy said. "Listen."

'It sounds like...'

"...Alcohol, my permanent accessory?" Byers repeated the lyrics, perplexed.

"Hey, I know that song!" Langly exclaimed. "It's called 'Alcohol' by 'Barenaked Ladies."

"Barenaked Ladies?" Frohike said, eyebrow's raised.

"Don't get excited, they're a group of fully clothed canadian _men_." Langly replied.

"Then what good is that?" Frohike replied sullenly.

"Maybe GirlX is trying to tell us something." Jimmy said suddenly.

"Yeah, but what?" Byers said. "That song seems to have no bearing on out situation."

"Maybe she wants us to get wasted." Langly put in hopefully.

-

"Oh come on! I'm trying to prove you guys AREN'T dumb. Put two and two together!" GirlX yelled at the monitor.

-

"It must have something to do with alcohol." Jimmy said. "Whatever we have to get."

'He's always got that God-awful martini glass when I see him.' Yves said.

"That's it!" Byers snapped his fingers with a metallic bang. "We have to get his martini glass."

"That it?" Langly asked tiredly. "You all know that means we'll have to kill him."

"Great." Frohike muttered.

"Guys, look. There's a fork in the road." Jimmy pointed ahead. "And a sign."

"Safe path' or 'Turn back now.'" Langly read.

'Guess which one goes to the fortress.' Yves sighed.

"Fantastic." Frohike rolled his eyes. "Let's get this over with."

"Uh guys, do you see that?" Jimmy pointed to another sign.

"Area 51." Byers read. "Government officials only, by order of the MIB."

"Men In Black?" Jimmy asked.

"Morris Incorporated Business." Frohike said.

"Subtle." Langly commented.

" This may require some stealth on our part." Byers looked worried.

'How the hell do we pull that off?' Yves demanded. 'I mean, we don't exactly blend in.'

"Yeah, and we can't just pull a switch either." Langly said. "I doubt they'd mistake us for employees, even if we had uniforms."

"We're going to have to sneak in." Byers said. "There has to be a back door."

"We could hack into the security database, if Langly had his Damn laptop." Frohike muttered.

"I told you already, take it up with GirlX!" Langly grumbled.

"If she ever gets back." Jimmy looked worried.

"Anyway." Byers began. "Lets try to FIND the building before we worry about how to get in."

"Uh, that might be it." Jimmy said.

A huge, Looming, rectangular structure made of dark gray stone appeared in the distance. It was in sharp contrast with the bright rainbow of flower fields surrounding it. No windows peered out of its blank, lifeless walls. The only visible entrance was a huge slightly darker steel door.

"Um..." Langly looked at the building wide-eyed behind his glasses.

"Yeah." Frohike said.

"So uh...any suggestions?" Byers asked weakly.

'Why do those flowers look familiar?' Jimmy wondered.

'It doesn't _appear_ to be heavily guarded.' Yves said.

"Only one way to find out." Langly said.

They crept toward the MIB building, which was several hundred yards away.

"Those flowers look weird." Jimmy commented.

'They could have hidden listening devices.' Yves said.

"Let's check one out." Langly suggested.

"Byers, you're bullet-proof. Go grab one." Frohike said.

"I'm not going to get one!" Byers hissed. "You get one!"

"I'm not going to get one!" Frohike said.

"Don't look at me!" Langly said.

'Oh for God's sake, I'LL do it!' Yves hissed.

"Yves, wait-" Jimmy started too late. Yves was already slinking her way toward the multihued buds.

"Be careful." Jimmy whispered.

Yves rolled her eyes. Slowly she crept to the stalks and extended a claw and sliced the bud off it's slender green stem.

"Nice." Frohike commented as she carried it back.

'You're damn right 'nice.' Yves smirked.

Byers cautiously pried the budding pink flower open. He tapped the stem.

"Nothing." He handed the flower to Frohike. "Maybe they're just for show."

"Not l-likely." Frohike stifled a yawn. "The Wicked Witch of the west in there is too cautious to have these for no reason."

'Maybe the citizens of LGM have an allergy to these flowers.' Yves suggested.

Jimmy nodded thoughtfully.

Frohike rubbed his eyes. "I feel really tierd all the sudden."

Yves sighed almost inaudibly, 'Me too.'

"Get away from that flower." Byers said suddenly. "All of you. Quick."

"What?" Frohike dropped the flower numbly.

"What's the matter?" Jimmy asked thickly.

"What the hell is wrong with all of you?" Langly demanded. "You're acting like you've been drugged."

"I think they have been." Byers said. "Those flowers must contain some kind of poison. You and I haven't been affected because we're not living beings, sort of."

Langly nodded. "So they're not going to be able to get inside the fortress."

"Like hell I'm not coming." Frohike said, his head beginning to clear.

"We'll just have to figure something out." Jimmy said.

'You two aren't exactly suited for infiltration right now.' Yves smirked.

"Yves, see how far in you can get before you feel woozy." Frohike suggested.

'Why?'

So we can see the minimum distance until the poison begins to work." Byers said. "The rest of us will be able to go in longer than you."

Yves nodded and slunk toward the field again, apprehension almost visible in her liquid movements.

"If anything happens to her, I'm going in." Jimmy made a fist.

Yves began to creep under the enticing flower petals.

About a third of the way to the fortress, the Gunmen saw the black tail that had been twitching over the flowers, dip out of sight. Langly quickly retrieved her.

"Yves? Are you alright?" Jimmy asked.

"She's out, man." Langly said.

But Yves slowly blinked awake.

"Are you okay?" Frohike asked.

'I will be as soon as Blondie puts me down.' She said.

Langly obliged her. "Byers, what do you think?"

"I think that if we run, and hold our breath, we should be able to make it."

"What do we do AFTER we get in?" Frohike asked.

Byers just shook his head."We'll have to worry about that later."

"Yves, I'd better carry you." Jimmy said. "You'll pass out if you try to run."

Yves groaned. 'What did I do to deserve this?'

"Got GirlX mad at you." Langly grinned toothily.

'Shut-up.'

Jimmy scooped her up, much to Yves's displeasure.

"This should be a calculated maneuver." Byers began. "But we have no clue what we're up against, so screw it."

They all looked at Byers with raised eyebrows.

"That's a first." Langly commented.

"I want to get out of here just as much as you guys." Byers said.

"Apparently." Frohike said.

"Okay, lets go to the back door." Byers said.

-

"NOOOOO! Not the back door!" GirlX yelled.

-

"Sir?"

"What is it private?" Morris rolled his eyes.

"Intruders in the rear of the fortress."

"What did I tell you to do with them!"

"Right sir." The man retreated.

"Idiot." He muttered.

-

'I've gotta warn them!' GirlX moved the mouse franticly. 'What music should I use...'

-

"What the hell is that?" Langly stopped.

"Music." Jimmy said.

"I know that!"

'It's a repetitive verse.' Yves interrupted. 'It sounds like someone saying "See those danger signs, Sneaking up from behind." over and over.'

"The last time we heard music..." Byers would have paled, if that had been possible.

The five spun around.

"There's nothing-"

"OW!"

-

End of part 4


	5. Chapter 5

'The Wizard of LGM'

By GirlX

Chapter Five

-

"Huh? Wuzza?"

"Ah, sleeping beauty awakes." A sinister voice said.

"I'm dead. I'm dead and I'm in hell." Langly moaned and opened his eyes.

"No you're not dead, but you'll wish you were." Fletcher grinned sharkishly at him.

"Where's everyone else?' Langly asked groggily. He could make out stone walls surround them.

"That's none of your concern." Fletcher replied coldly.

"The hell it isn't!" Langly tried to jump up, but found himself shackled to the wall by his wrists.

"I believe you'll find escape quite impossible."

"Shut-up." Langly muttered.

"Here." Fletcher pulled a remote device from inside his cheap suit. "This'll cheer you up."

A big screen TV with surround-sound lit up.

"NO! ANY THING BUT THAT!" Langly shrieked.

"Enjoy." Fletcher smirked and vanished in a puff of smoke.

'I love you, you love me, we're a happy-' The TV glowed with the image of the sinister purple fiend.

"NOOOOO!" Langly wailed.

-

(Another room)

'Why isn't GirlX stopping this?' Byers wondered desperately.

"Turn that off!" He said aloud.

"What's the matter, Tin man?" Fletcher grinned. "Don't you like Rap music?"

"If that's what you call rhythmic swearing." Byers glared at him.

"That's too bad, because it's gonna be the last thing you'll ever hear."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I can." Fletcher vanished.

-

(Yet another room)

"I swear to God Fletcher, I'll kick your ass yet."

"Whoa, calm down little man." Fletcher held up his hands. "I just want to talk."

Frohike glared at the Witch. "Get the hell away from me."

"No." Fletcher smirked.

"What do you want?" Frohike demanded. "You've already got us locked up."

"Yeah, you three were what I was after." Fletcher rolled his eyes. "Frohike, you think to much of yourself."

"Your not really after those damn shoes are you?"

"As a matter of fact, I am. They contain a powerful magic."

"Cut the crap."

"Fine. There's a computer chip hidden in the sole of one. I need it."

"Figures." Frohike muttered. "So why the hell don't you take it and let us go?"

"Now that I've got you in my domain, I plan to have a little fun." Fletcher smirked. "Do you like the Backstreet boys?"

"Shut the hell up."

"Fine. I'll just leave you some parting music." He vanished in a puff of smoke.

'All you people, can't you see, can't you see, how you are affecting our reality...'

"Damn!" Frohike cursed loudly.

-

(Last room)

'Put me down or I'll claw your eyes out!' Yves hissed.

"Aww, lookit, the pussycat's upset."

'Shut-up.'

"Fletcher, if you hurt her..." Jimmy struggled against his chains.

"Give it a break, Moose." Fletcher dropped Yves into a glass pet-carrier. "There's no way your breaking those things."

"What do you want?"

"I want those dashing little red numbers you've got on." Fletcher pointed to Jimmy's feet.

"No way. Scully said not to give them to you."

"Then I'll just devise some new punishments for your friends. You want to see how they're doing?"

'Don't listen to him!' Yves said quickly. 'We all know he lies.'

"Can it, Whiskers." Fletcher snapped. "Just to show I'm not lying"

Fletcher pulled the magical remote from his jacket, and switched on a hidden TV. "Ah, my favorite show: Dungeons and Dummies."

Jimmy watched, horrified, as the Gunmen twisted and writhed against each private punishment.

"Stop it!" Jimmy yelled. "Leave them alone, I've got what you want!"

"I'll stop when you hand those shoes over."

"Fine, take them!" Jimmy moaned. "Just let the guys go."

"Smart move. For the first time in your life." Fletcher bent down to take the shoes, when a shower of red sparks flew at him. "AHHH!"

'Serves you right!' Yves said gleefully.

"Shut-up!" Fletcher scowled. "I forgot. Those shoes won't come off...as long as your alive."

Jimmy's eye's widened.

"But that's easily remedied." Fletcher pulled a gun from his jacket.

'No!' Yves shrieked and burst through her cage door. She leapt at Fletcher and dug her claws into his leg.

"Son of a Bitch!" Fletcher bellowed and dropped his gun.

Yves retracted her claws and slid the gun across the floor and down the steps, Fletcher hot on her heels. Thinking fast, she slid it into a crack in the stone wall, and slipped off into the dungeons.

"Damn it!" Fletcher moaned. "Guards! Find that cat!"

"Yessir." Two guards appeared out of nowhere, and left just as quickly.

Fletcher stomped back upstairs. "And as for you-" He pulled a syringe from his pocket. "This is just as effective as a gun, if a little slower."

"Get away from me!" Jimmy twisted in his chains.

"No can do." Fletcher stuck Jimmy in the arm and released the liquid in one fluid motion.

Jimmy moaned and slid down the wall. The strenght seemed to have fled from his legs.

"I'll check back in about half an hour. That should be more than enough time." Fletcher smirked and shut the chamber's door with a loud 'Click.'

Jimmy moaned again, suddenly feeling very weak.

'Only half an hour.' He thought dimly.

-

(Dungeons)

'Damn.' Yves cursed. She knew she had to find the Gunmen soon. Fletcher would undoubtedly have a backup plan.

'Byers!' She called desperately. 'Frohike! Langly! Where are you?'

"Yves?" A vice suddenly called back.

'Byers? Where are you?'

"In a cell." Byers whispered. Yves followed the voice to a steel door.

'Hang on a moment, I'll pick the lock.' She clawed her way up the stone wall, and stuck her claw into the keyhole.

Thank God." Byers muttered as the door swung open.

'Are you okay?'

"A few more verses of 'The Real Slim Shady' and I'd be dead." He replied dryly.

'Well, you'd better recover fast. Jimmy needs help.' Yves picked the lock on the shackles.

"We have to find Frohike and Langly first." Byers said, rubbing his wrists.

'Fine, but lets hurry!' Yves sounded desperate. 'If we don't Fletcher will kill him.'

Byers nodded and stood up. "They must be somewhere nearby."

'Langly! Frohike!' Yves called out again.

"Yves?" Two separate voices answered simultaneouslyin opposite directions.

"You go right, I'll go left." Byers said.

-

(Upstairs)

Jimmy sank deeper into exhaustion. A black mist was crowding his vision.

'I hope Yves and the guys get out okay.' He thought.

Slowly, he glanced at his wristwatch. 'Fifteen minutes.'

-

(Dungeons)

"Okay, lets go." Byers said as soon as he'd freed Langly.

"Where's Doo-Hike and Yves?"

'Right here.' Yves pawed his leg.

Langly jumped with a small shriek. "Don't DO that!"

"Will you shut up!" Frohike hissed. "There are guards all over the place."

'Lets go back upstairs!' Yves voice sounded close to a wail. 'Jimmy's in danger!'

-

(Upstairs)

Paralysis was setting in. Jimmy found it difficult to move, even if he gathered what remained of his dwindling energy.

'Yves.' He thought desperately. 'I don't care what happens to me, as long as you and the guys are safe.'

Jimmy couldn't see his watch very well, because the black mist had gotten deeper, but he estimated that at least five more minutes had gone by.

"Jimmy!" Suddenly, a pounding on the door.

"Guys?" Jimmy wheezed in a weak voice.

'Hurry, please!' Yves sounded nearly frantic.

"I'm trying" Frohike muttered. "Okay, it's almost there..."

There was another loud CLICK and the door swung open. Jimmy could barely keep his eyes open to watch them stream in.

"Jimmy!" Byers dropped to his side.

"What happened?" Frohike asked.

"Fletcher." Jimmy struggled with the words, "Syring..."

'He's been poisoned!' Yves gasped.

"Do you know how much time do we have to get the antidote?" Langly pressed.

Jimmy shifted his eyes to his watch. "Ten minutes."

"Yves, stay here with Jimmy. We'll find Fletcher." Byers said.

She nodded and sat next to Jimmy.

The Gunmen gave there comrade one last look and hurried downstairs.

"Yves." Jimmy said softly.

'Yes, I'm here.' Yves sounded worried.

"Go. Get out now."

'I'm not going anywhere.' She said firmly.

"Go while you can." Jimmy insisted. The strain of talking was exhausting him, but he wasn't going to let Yves be caught.

'Jimmy, I'm not leaving you.' Yves said.

Jimmy sighed and closed his eyes. It shut out the black mist.

-

End of Part 5


	6. Chapter 6

'The Wizard of LGM'

By GirlX

Chapter Six

-

"I'll kill him for this." Byers hissed as they ran down the stone staircase.

"I'll help." Frohike said. "But we've gotta find him first."

"Oh look, the stooges have gotten out of their cells." A sneering voice called from high above them.

"Fletcher!" Three venomous voices rang out. They stared up at the MIB agent, on a balcony at least forty feet above them.

"What did you do to Jimmy?" Langly demanded.

Fletcher smirked down at them. "It doesn't matter. It's already too late."

"You're lying." Byers hissed through his teeth.

"No, see for yourselves." Fletcher clicked the remote again, and a hidden screen alighted. Yves and Jimmy appeared, but Jimmy looked pale as...well, death.

"Give us the antidote." Frohike demanded.

"What antidote?" Fletcher countered. "Why in the world would I make an antidote?"

"You Bastared." Langly growled. "We know you too well. You have one, just in case you got injected."

"It's too late." Fletcher smirked. "Even if I gave it to you, he'd die."

"Then give it too us." Byers countered. "Since you have nothing to lose."

"Fat chance metal man."

-

(Cell)

'Jimmy, just hang in there, okay?' Yves pleaded. 'The guys will be back any second with the antidote.'

Jimmy couldn't reply. The parylisi hadd worked its way up to his mouth.

Yves stared at the watch desperately.

'Only five minutes.'

-

"I'm not falling for that." Fletcher smirked down at the Gunmen. "You three think you can trick me into giving him the antidote?"

Byers glanced desperately at the others. "What can we do? Time is running out!"

"I don't know." Langly replied miserably.

"This really must be out of GirlX's hand's now." Frohike muttered.

"That's it!" Byers said, almost to himself.

"What's it? GirlX isn't helping us. It's like she gave up." Langly interjected.

"Or was forced out of the game." Frohike put in.

"What are you three muttering about?" Fletcher demanded.

"Nothing. Except that GirlX is about to kick your ass!" Frohike said. "You really think she'll let Jimmy die?"

"Hah! That's your big plan? GirlX can't do a thing about any of this." Fletcher sneered.

"Yeah, sure." Langly caught on to the shorter man's ploy. "How would you know?"

"I got rid of her Keyboard, you dimwits." Fletcher said. "Just because I don't have the magic shoes, it doesn't mean I can't use the magic of technology."

"Right. GirlX just let you make her keyboard disappear." Byers said skeptically.

"I did it!" Fletcher flew into a rage and brandished his remote. "I just push this button on the remote and..."

-

"My keyboard!" GirlX cried out. It had suddenly repapered under her fingertips.

"I've gotta help them, but the ending to my story still has to be plausible!" Her fingers flew over it. "But first, I've gotta help Jimmy..."

-

"So, you see, I've emerged the victor." Fletcher smirked. He tucked the remote back into his pocket.

But, when he put the remote back, a little syringe was pushed out.

"No! That's not fair!" Fletcher screamed.

Langly ran under the balcony and neatly caught the syringe.

"Take care of him, I'll get this to Jimmy!" He yelled and ran up the stairs.

"Stop him!" Fletcher shrieked. Guards began to chase after our straw hero.

"Oh crap."

-

'I can't believe I'm going out like this.' Jimmy thought. 'Death by poison. It's embarrassing!'

Yves was stalking back and forth in front of Jimmy, watching the seconds tick by.

'Sixty seconds.' She was on the verge of weeping. 'Jimmy-'

Suddenly the door flew open.

"I've got it!" Langly gasped, tumbling into the room.

'Give it to him, quick!' Yves said.

Langly bent down and inserted the needle into Jimmy's neck.

"This should work." He nervously plunged it.

"I can't believe I'm dying this way." Jimmy suddenly moaned.

"You're not." Relief flooded Langly's voice.

'Where are Byers and Frohike?' Yves asked.

"Uh-oh."

-

"At least we're going out fighting." Frohike muttered. Several guards had guns pointed at them.

"We're not dead yet." Byers said. "And GirlX just-"

Fletcher was clicking the button on the remote desperately.

"Its not working!" He whined. "You disabled it!"

(GirlX: No duh.)

"Hey, can you help us out here?" Frohike asked nervously.

(GirlX: Sorry guys, but this is outta my hands. The ending has to write itself, every author knows that.)

"Great." Byers muttered.

"Okay men, fire on my count." Fletcher tossed the useless remote aside.

"No way." A familiar nasal voice said. Fletcher spun around.

"Hello." Jimmy smirked and heaved the bucket of water at the villain.

"Ack!" Fletcher sputtered. "What did you do that for!"

"Duh, to melt you?" Jimmy replied.

"Water won't melt me you dolt!" Fletcher shrieked.

"Huh?"

Fletcher rolled his eyes. "Are you really that dumb?"

"I guess I am!" Jimmy yelled.

Langly groaned and smacked his forehead.

"If you had one tiny iota of a brain in your head, you'd know my secret weakness is...MMPH!" Fletcher clapped a hand over his mouth.

(GirlX: Damn!)

"Cheater!" Fletcher removed his hand.

"Well, that didn't work." Frohike said in annoyance.

(GirlX: Shut up.)

"Just shoot them!" Fletcher said.

"Okay men, fire at will." A guard ordered.

Jimmy grabbed Fletcher's collar, and held him over the edge of the balcony.

"Don't shoot!" Fletcher squeaked.

"That's better." Jimmy smirked and tightened his grip. "Now, what was that secret weakness you were talking about?"

"I don't have one!" He gasped.

"Okay." Jimmy loosened his hold.

"Okay okay!" Fletcher cried out. "It's umm...uh..."

"Drop him." Langly hissed. "Then we can get his glass and get the Hell outta here!"

Byers and Frohike were still being held at gunpoint by Fletchers goons, and could only watch.

'Jimmy, let him drop.' Yves agreed.

Jimmy looked at them helplessly. "But guys, I can't-"

"Jimmy lookout!" Two voices suddenly cried out from below him.

"Huh?" Jimmy's gaze went back to Fletcher.

Fletcher had swung himself back over the railing. "Go ahead and push me Jimmy!"

"Uh" Jimmy took a few steps backward, suddenly confused.

'How did this get turned around again?' He thought desperately.

(GirlX: Psst, Jimmy. Don't worry about it. I think it's all taken care of.)

"What?" Jimmy said aloud.

"What?" Fletcher countered.

"Um..."

"Never mind." Fletcher smirked. "Guards! Bring those two up here! I want them to die in front of me."

Byers and Frohike were shoved up the stairs.

"Watch the suit!" Byers snapped.

"And so it ends." Fletcher took a gun from one of his drones. "Not with a bang, but with a whimper."

(GirlX: Not today, MIB.)

"What?" Fletcher took his attention from the Gunmen just for a second. It was just long enough.

Jimmy grabbed a nearby bucket of-something-and tossed it on Fletcher.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Fletcher howled. Green ooze covered the agent.

"Jimmy what was that?" Frohike said.

"I don't know!" Jimmy cried out.

"You imbecile! That was alien goo!" Fletcher wailed and slumped toward the floor.

"Alien goo?" Byers raised an eyebrow.

"Dissolving alien goo!" Fletcher rolled his eyes.

"Oh." Byers glanced at his comrades.

"Because that makes more sense?" Frohike asked.

"I guess." Langly replied uncertialy.

(GirlX: Nitpick me now, and I swere you'll know the meaning of humiliation.)

"Disolving alien goo it is." Byers said quickly.

"Who would have thought a nitwit like you could destroy all my evil!" Fletcher demanded. He was definitely melting now.

"Well this nitwit just did." Jimmy grinned for a second. "Wait, I didn't say that right."

'Too late.' Yves said. 'He's gone.'

Fletcher had melted into his cheap suit. All that was left was his unused wedding ring, a bad tie and-

"The martini glass." Jimmy picked it up.

'So, on to the Sapphire city?'

(GirlX: Sure, let me speed things up for you.)

The fortress dissolved around them in a wash of special effects, not unlike those in 'Star Trek'.

"Cool." Langly commented.

(GirlX: Thank you.)

"Okay, make it a double cheese with...Oops, my one O'clock is here." A short woman in a blue dress (Who bore a striking resemblance to Karen Walker of 'Will and Grace') appeared before them behind a desk. "So, your the ones who killed the Wicked Witch?"

"Uh, yeah, that's us." Jimmy said.

"Great." The woman smiled widely. "You have the glass?"

"Right here." Jimmy held it up.

"Very good." She said. "Okay, umm, who wanted the human thing?"

'Me.' Yves pawed her leg.

"And I can see why. Honey, you look like something the cat dragged in!" She giggled.

The Gunmen shared a skeptical look.

"You're Lydia?" Byers asked.

"Yes indeed hon." Lydia flashed them another smile. "Okay, human thing for Kitty-Kitty..."

Yves growled.

"Floppy disks for metal guy."

"Um-" Byers began.

"D and D for the skinny one."

"HEY!"

"Spaceballs for the lion."

"I'm not a-"

"And homeward bound for the cutie. Is that right?" Lydia smiled even wider at Jimmy.

"Um. Yeah. I think." Jimmy looked confused.

"Okay. What have you learned from all of this?" Lydia asked.

The Gunmen shared an incredulous look.

"We were supposed to LEARN SOMETHING!" Byers demanded.

"The moral of the story. You didn't learn the moral?" Lydia asked, slighly deflated.

"I learned I hate GirlX." Langly offered.

"Not even close." Lydia sighed. "If you didn't learn anything, you can't go home."

'Are you telling me,' Yves sputtered. 'That I am going to be trapped in this feline body IF I DIDN'T LEARN A BLOODY MORAL!'

"Umm, yes."

Yves was spitting mad. Literally. (It was a good thing she was yowling with a cat's voice, or GirlX would have had to have upped the rating for this chapter.)

(GirlX: You seriously have no idea?)

"Not one." Byers shook his head. "Unless...Jimmy?"

Jimmy looked very thoughtful. "Maybe."

"Think very hard Jimmy." Byers said cautiously. "Have you learned anything from all of this?"

"I guess that...I learned that my friends will always come through for me." He said simply.

(GirlX: Whoa. Jimmy NAILED it!)

"That's IT? We're always going to bail Jimmy out, no matter how deeply in trouble he gets?" Langly yelled.

(GirlX: Ummm, yeah.)

Langly groaned. "So can we go home now?"

(GirlX: Hell yeah.)

-

Jimmy started awake. He glanced around his fully colorized room and grinned.

"I'm home!" He jumped up. "Hey Guys! Guys!"

Jimmy ran down the hall towards the kitchen. Langly glared at him.

"Langly, man, I had the weirdest dream. And you were th-"

"I know." Langly scowled.

"What?" Jimmy asked, confused

"I remember...whatever that was. So do Byers and Frohike."

"So...It wasn't a dream?" Jimmy asked, confused.

"Man, I don't know what it was, but I just hope it never happens again." Langly grumbled. "By the way, we now own the latest version of D and D."

Jimmy went into the kitchen. Byers and Frohike glanced up.

"I found my floppy disks." Byers said.

"Um..."

"And Frohike found 'Spaceballs.'" He added.

"Um." Jimmy said intelligently.

There was a knock at the Gunmen's door.

"It's Yves." Langly buzzed her in.

Yves, fully human, marched in. She grabbed Jimmy's collar.

"Hi Yves." He squeaked.

"Never. EVER. Dream. About. Me. Again!" She released him.

"Okay." Jimmy said meekly. Yves glared at him and stalked out.

"That was abrupt." Frohike commented.

Jimmy just looked after the hacker, jaw hanging open.

"I wonder if we'll see any more of GirlX." Byers said.

"I hope not." Langly grimaced. "Once was more than enough!"

-

"Sorry Langly." GirlX smiled over her keyboard. "I'm on a roll! Now, what shall I do next..."

-

The End...for now!


End file.
